Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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