Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
