fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
