my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
