I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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