I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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