i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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