he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
