I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
