I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
