Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
