there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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