IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
