Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
