Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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