While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
