Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
