At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
