Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
