We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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