I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
