It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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