i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize