Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
