Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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