Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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