She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
