I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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