Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
