i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
