I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
