thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
