apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
