the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
