so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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