Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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