On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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