oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
