he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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