I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
