my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
