I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
