She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
