It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize