i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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