Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
