i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
