I'm drive I can fine osifer
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
