yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
