i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
