be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
