How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
