im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dicks are not precious.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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