Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
