made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You need Xanax blowdarts
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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