yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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