how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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