You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
