party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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