clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
