I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
