I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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