He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
