You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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