he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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