Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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