It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
