she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
