Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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