i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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