We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
