then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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