Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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