I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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