Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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