help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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