The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
