im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
