somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
