i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
